Dating winter

Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. You begin to question your actions. Did you say the wrong thing? Did you make the wrong move?

Behavioral extremes indicate a power play is being employed. Whether done consciously or unconsciously, this type of behavior activates longing and pursuit.

Modern dating is tricky. Understanding this type of behavior is crucial even for those of you committed to not playing games. Follow, and they flee. Because relationship uncertainty makes human beings yearn for stability. Our automatic response is to chase when the "other" pulls away.

The phases of Hot and Cold: The "hot" phase begins with a bang of overwhelming recognition. Your partner has placed you firmly on their radar. Bathed in newfound attention, flattery and flirtation spark a strong attraction for this person. You quickly find yourself craving more of this delicious new feeling. This phase lures you into the hopes of the possibility of romance. Contact is reciprocal, time is made to see each other, and forward movement is evident. Then comes the "cold" phase.

Your partner begins to pull away making you long for their previous attention. Whether initiated by a cold-shoulder, avoidance, or lack of communication This phase activates loss, making you yearn for them and wait with bated breath for their call or text.

You wonder what happened and begin to question every move you made. These are the basic dance steps to this type of behavior. Each step is a phase, and each phase has a cycle. The beautiful truth is that this has nothing to do with you. Understanding what comes next puts you back in control of your own reactions. Relationship hiccups occur because your partner is emotionally invested, but scared. Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement.

The root cause of this behavior is a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable; love. The cycles of hot and cold may make you feel like the powerless one. It appears as though as though your partner has all the strength. Power and strength of this caliber have no fear of being honest and direct.

Games are an ego default when being "real" feels too scary. Authenticity takes tremendous courage. Does your questioning meet hostility, defensiveness or resistance?

Cut your losses and walk away. After questioning, does your partner react with concern or guilt? Do they reveal their inner conflict? If so, then you may have stumbled upon a highly sensitive and fearful individual. Evaluate your partner carefully. Do they have the capacity for trust?

Do they want to explore the possibility of a relationship with you? These are easy questions to ask when you know what you want and what you deserve. Games are used in lieu of the ability to be real. But knowing of their existence and recognizing their predictable patterns will allow your dating to be a rewarding, rather than confusing, experience.


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